Gone Missing

Been looking for answers

Keeping questions from you

We used to lie together

No lies between us

We lived on desire

I miss waking every morning with you by my side

Oh how I long to be back there

Just dreaming of the life we’d share

Before all this worrying took hold

Now I try to feel the love

I know you once

Felt

For

Me

But it’s gone missing

Far off with your wandering mind

And …..

How can I escape the heartache

of you loving another

While I only loved you

How can I share this bed 

Knowing you shared a bed with her

Knowing she lied in your arms

While you came home and lied to me

What am I supposed to do

With all this useless desire

Where am I supposed to go

When the only home I know

Is in your arms

And …..

How can I escape the heartache

of you loving another

While I only loved you

when your hurt and your sadness sit like a stone

grey and green and too heavy to throw
blue rivers of tears, a yellow desert of fears
your broken heart pierced upon the weather vane
it's rusted cast iron commanded by the wind
when you just don't know where to go

if you've found yourself spinning with no legs to get up and go
then come to me my friend
i'll know where you are and what it's like to be you
i've seen that darkness too
it can swallow you up and pull you down
to the bottom of its' deep well of lies

fight your hardest my sweet and keep taking breaths
there is no fire that burns as bright as the fire of truth
so no matter what you find or how hard it may be to look
it's the only way to survive

get up my pony  your spindly legs are strong
stronger than you know
jump those fences now and be on your way
a greener pasture waits for you

tomorrow might be 100 days away
that's ok you'll be alright
just keep on searching and don't give in to the wolves who told you those lies
just get up my pony and ride
get up my pony
love is on your side
a greener pasture waits for you

lately i

lately i've taken to walking 

the weather doesn't matter and the fog can't keep me in

all last winter i spent holed up like a grizzly bear

my mind glued like honey on trying to keep from loosing you

but the dreary spring came and i cried like rain 

anyhow, you still went and the summer blazed
i was left staring at an empty plate, an open calendar, and a shutting door

i know the holidays won't mean as much this year

lately i've taken to walking 

i make notice of what the young people wear to keep the fall at bay
i guess this winter i'll go skiing on a far away mountain

in hopes my mind will freeze it's memories of you

and when the dreary spring comes i'm gonna walk in the rain
i'll plant some gladiolas to have something to look forward to come june

when the heat waves roll down i won't close up my windows

i'll lie awake listening to the world

maybe next year i'll celebrate on christmas

anyhow, i'm doing better off now without you 

lately i've taken to walking

crazy eyes

i wasn't invited but i showed up anyway

someone had to put the fire out before the whole damn building burned to the ground

i thought i knew a little something about the character of you

but you blew my mind, you blew my faithful little mind

well hey now baby crazy eyes

they don't understand you 

and sometimes neither do i 

but i...

i've loved you for too long to let you suicide 

and i don't mind

that you walk too fast and you always take too much

i just hate it that whenever you look back all you can see is blue

a cloud of confusion  trails you like a cheap private i

and i'm waiting on the day you finally remember what you were ever doing here

it's all but forgotten to me now and by that i mean i haven't forgotten at all

but i'm trying

there's a waterfall in southeastern kentucky that i never told you about

close to corbin where the moonbow arcs in the clear light of a full moon 

but you probably already know all about that

well hey now baby crazy eyes

they don't understand you 

and sometimes neither do i

but i...

i've loved you for too long to let you suicide 

and i don't mind

that you walk too fast and you always take too much

i just hate it that whenever you look back all you can see is blue

i'm just waiting on the day you finally remember what you were ever doing here

Dorado

we watched as the horses galloped across the sky

renamed the constellations beneath the northern lights

i'd never seen anything so beautiful

you took that as a sign 

but it snows too hard in michigan 

for a heart that belongs to the sun

we read about dorado on the way to macinaw

it wasn't easy to find a swordfish in the stars

but you kept on searching 

like the way i pointed out your flaws

and it snows too hard in michigan 

for a heart thats on the run

running backwards now

don't even know what lead me there

blurry scenes like tornados swirling up in dreams

october brings a warning reminds us of all that ends

oh it snows too hard 

it snows to hard in michigan 

for a dark heart that needs the light

it snows too hard in michigan 

for a heart that never gets it right

from a hotel window in seattle
i traced the path of a passing ferry
could you be a passenger
heading up to whidbey to see your kin

ive been to anacortes
circled round in a kayak
searching for humpback whales
all i was really doing was killing time hoping to see you again

those shadows on the water
pulled like magnets deep and blue
dragged me down under
to a world where i could not breath
that's when i knew id have to surrender
and leave your hometown for good

maybe i just need a new summer
maybe i just need a happy new year
i might need a new lover
but i just don't see how i'm ever gonna recover from losing you

i've packed up all of my cameras
my itinerary tells me i'm going back east
to stay up and watch the sun rise
and let this western sun finally set on you

carte postale

Wishing we were hand in hand out on this waking walk today

Wish you could see what I’m seeing

Make the blue and the black of recent things not as bad as they seem

For just one morning to walk under the trees and dream

Humidity and early light wrap around like big strong arms

Soft and calm breaths of salty air

Shooshing all our nightmares

Bid them bon voyage into the sea

If you were here with me

The shadows would just disappear

It’s a long road we’re winding

It’s a heavy load we’re hauling

Let’s let it go

Lets let it go

I’m ready to float again

Ready to be light again

Let it go

Now here we go

forgot about this one

the wind blows hard while we wait

blows us into our winter hoods

you pass me by

you passed me by this time

and i just can't let it go again

the trees are bare and the fruit is dead

the violets in the window are the only signs of life

but it all comes back again

if you want to turn around it's a short rewind

and there's still time to return

the planks of the boat are dry

the fishing lines are hanging high

there's just you and I

everyone else has gone home for the summer

don't you want to go too

I do

yes I do

Off the T.V.

Off the whiskey

Off the caffeine

Off the evening news

There’s a baby on the way

Full in the belly

Full in the heart

Full in the question

Full in the breast

There’s a baby who needs a name

Busy in the bedroom

Busy in the kitchen

Busy in the nursery

Busy in the nest

There’s a baby needs a place to stay

To be continued dot dot dot

?

the girl you used to love has gone to idaho

eat your potatoes

and drink your beer

the branches by the river

rub together like bones

another bowl of soup

all alone

time passes in a fury

when hearts are racing to the finish

there are no short cuts

when it comes to love

you just lost sight of the present

let it melt away with the snow

the dogs are begging for you

to come on back home

who could have predicted

the way things would go

just about anyone

with two eyes and a head

just about anyone

that's who

just about anyone

but me and you

just about anyone

but me and you

something is sad ? I'm trying not to revert.

BUT, a cold front is pushing through my veins

crackle,static,always on alert

it's getting to be quite a long winter

balled up paper and ribbons on the floor

all the noisy guests are gone

all the gifts have been given except for one

and i wonder where you are

a tree branch scratches my window

the high pitch of the freezer hums

no t.v. and the music isn't on

asleep is not an easy thing

coca cola was my first addiction

i cut a paper heart and glue it to a can

string it from the ceiling with some twine

turn on the fan and watch it twirl

maybe i'm bored but this seems dreamy

cross my eyes and i think i see you

order seeds from every catalog

choose them by names like:

"Forget Me Not" and "Hydrangea's In Love"

looking forward to the sun

i'm looking forward,

looking forward to the sun

i extended sympathy

but you wouldn't receive

now i sleep uneasily

you didn't want it from me

i imagine purple flowers will grow

on the mound after the snow

but I wonder how long will it be

before you turn off the freeze

i'm not a perfect soul you know

i never wore silver wings

my hair is yellow

but my eyes are blue

bluer than they seem

my yellow comes from a box

i wasn't as sunny as you thought i was

so mixed up in the mix

not so long ago

i just want a little piece

of what started out to be...........

Some water spills

On to the ground around the well

Send that bucket down

Water Spills like blood

Blood from my heart

Seeps in to the roots

The roots of the rose bush

Smells so sweet

Can be sickening

I keep a good house

Put good food on the table

White lights in December

Fresh fruit from the garden

But our home was not enough

You wanted something sexy

Like red roses in the summer

A girl so sweet

Some secret adventure

I shut the door, door, door,

And I told you

to go fetch me some water

send that bucket down, down, down,

Spill it all, all, all

Let me be your bartender

Tell me all the things you

Don't want me to know, know, know

Sip this elixer

So sweet it can be sickening.

Now can you remember?

The roots of the rose bush?

Planted so long, long, ago?

Can you remember. . .

there is a ghost living in my house

only comes out when you're not around

whispers your name and calls me out

there is a ghost living in this house

something hides in the shadows

won't come out in to the light

stop singing me sad songs

i need a new soundtrack 

there is a ghost living in my house

argentina in the summer

back to kentucky in the fall

just to get away from the spooks who linger 

this town is like a dead wind

blowing my mind tonight

I don't need your memory bringing me down.

Love Letters That Don't Compute MEK April 2009

Pear tree, dog bone, seed pod, and watermellon

Back yard, front porch, waiting for a phone call

Car seat, scorching hot, Just gonna do a little drive by

Barge in, not allowed, uninvited faux pas

French fries, rain boots, love letters that don't compute

Wasting time, filling time, back in time, time is time

What time is recess time? 

Lemon Lime, crushed ice, summer/winter paradise

Fall back, Spring ahead,  I never ever get it right

Peach tree, pick a bone, seed is planted, leave me alone.

Birds Trapped in Crab Pots

Cages stacked high, piled up wobbly,

Like in the markets and squares of distant villages I've seen on the Food Network Channel.

Crab Pots caked in gauzy green sea matter, crusted in rust, wafting fishy in the humid, marshy balm.

Colorful. Tied up and dressed up in orange buoys and blue tape.

Wound with sandy ropes.

I take a photo.

The sky is quiet, bright, barely streaked. Contrails.

The 4:00 September sun backlights an unfolding drama to the west.

At first only a flutter, blackness, a blur.

But the flicker becomes a form.

Maybe litter blowing about in one of the cages, or some strip of seaweed torn loose by the breeze.

Closer, moving closer; it's the silhouette of a frantic bird beating her wings and head against the wires.

She is trapped.

A bright yellow Finch caught in the center of this pyramid of crab pots!

This pile, left uncleaned and uncovered, has become a smorgusborg of sun dried sea meat too tempting for scavengers to ignore.

WHY NOT HIDE THIS FEAST? THIS DEATH TRAP?

Wasn't it meant ONLY to capture seafood?

And isn't that enough?

WHY NOT TARP THIS TRAP?

Such a simple solution it seems.

A tarp, a big one with bungee cords bright and tight.

A tarp, a tan one the color of our beaches.

Or yellow like the Finch, like CAUTION!

We tried so hard to save her. We unlatched, unhinged, and unstacked, climbing fragilely upon the pots towards the top.

We teetered.

Finch was growing weary, flapping less flippantly.

Surrounded by skeletons and carcasses, beaks and feathers bleaching in the sun.

I store away one skull (beak still intact) in my dress pocket.

Finch is desperate, she must be so terrified.

She must also be a lucky bird.

We are able to free her, and a few others too.

A black bird and a sparrow.

We let them go perhaps only in vain.

I leave the scene with a skull, a beak, a story and a mission.

I grew up on the Eastern Shore of Virginia. I was visiting my family there when I saw the disturbing things I described in my poem. I saw nearly 30 bird skeletons in just one stack of crab pots. My friend Jerome Nottingham and I were able to free a few that were still alive. I was shocked by this! I was more shocked and disgusted to hear from people I told the story to that they see it all the time. Waterman bring the pots in to dry. The birds find a way in to eat the fish and crab scraps. Like the crabs and fish they seldom find their way back out. I can't believe there isn't some easy solution to prevent this from happening. I imagine a tarp, or old clothes, or newspapers stuffed in the openings would work. I'm not a watermen so I don't know. I assume there are some waterman out there who do care, and do take preventative measures. I hope they will share what the know with other watermen, and that anyone who sees this carnage will speak up. There must be something that can be done. Please, if you read this, pass it along to any waterman you know. Tell them to send any suggestions or comments my way. I would love to help solve this.

Thank you so much,

Mary Killmon, and all the little birdies! :>

Donkey Wonkey MEK FEB 09

Wonkey was a donkey with legs made for wonking.

Flies flew in and flies flew around,

but Whisper was the only fly who ever learned how to fly out.

She flew like a steam curl taunting poor Wonkey,

 tickling his gizzard upon exit and enter.

Once while Whisper was flying to bed

Wonkey stuck her with his tongue right on the head!

He drew her in so close he could see

all the fuzzy hairs flowing on her knees. 

And then the wind blew harder and blew Whisper away. 

Hooray~

July Fourth Space Ship MEK Feb 09

Late night at least 10 years ago, one fourth of July, we were all lying in the back of a pick up truck named Pecan. We were hoping to see a shooting star. We were friends, and some of us lovers. We stared into the humid starry sky like we had done when we were kindergardeners. We even knew each other then. Funny. 

A spark and then a loop of green gas flashed across the sky writing a giant cursive baby g. Then it disappeared. We all saw it. Some of my friends called their Moms on the house phone even though it was nearly midnight. I jumped up and felt a pang to be closer to the one I loved.